Monday, April 6, 2009

The Playoffs

Lo and on the 4th day of the month of April in the first year of the Book of Shroom, there was a mighty clamor across Texas, and the armies of the clans descended upon the buxom city of Austin to wage rugby against each other. For there was uprising and dissent amongst the clans, as the Crusaders from Yokelhoma laid claim upon the top seed and the other clans laughed and scoffed at the claim and sent their most mighty warriors to wage glorious rugby upon each other to prove who was truly the strongest.

And the Buggerers from Fort Worth took up their arms against the Defenders of Alamo City, and smote them with the powerful pack play and ferocious ball retention game plan. But the Defenders did not go quietly into the third place match, but fought with all their energy and sent flankers and their eight looping into the second and third phases to try to punish the Buggerers. But the Buggerers hearts were pure and they withstood the assault and triumphed victoriously in the face of the Defenders.

And as the Defenders and the Buggerers retired to their camps, the Dog-assed Huns took up their colors against the hated Blacks of the buxom city of Austin. But the Blacks were waging rugby on the hallowed grounds of their own pitch, the sacred Burr Field, where the ghosts of martyrs and warriors past watch the rugby from the heavens above and from the sideline with beers in hand and love in their hearts and anger on their tongues, for they hateth the Dog-assed Huns with a vengeance! And the Blacks smote the Dog-assed Huns and laid them to waste in their own defeat. And the Huns were forced to retire to their own sacred grounds, known as Nasty’s; where the plotted again to wage rugby upon their sworn enemies, The Blacks.

After the dead were buried and the wounded eaten, the Crusaders of Yokelhoma donned their colors to wage rugby upon the Knights of McAlien, but the Crusaders were blinded by the false hope of the impure northern division, and were laid low in defeat by the Knights for they playeth in a division with abominations and noobies!! And the Knights sharpened their attacking skills in preparation for a fiercer battle of rugby with the Buggerers from Fort Worthlessness.
And the Nothingness and the Everything looked down upon the hallowed ground known as Burr Field and they smiled upon the rugby waged there that glorious Saturday, for Saturday is a rugby day, and verily did Jesus, Buddha, Chuck Norris, Captain Tackles McCaw, Stan Venable and Memo drink a beer together and proclaim that it was a glorious rugby day.

And the Saturday night party was good.

Yeah, and though the Shroom and the Waylon did oversleep with their hangovers and miss the waging of rugby for the third place; they did make feat with Jack and maketh it to the allowed ground known as Burr Field for the final waging of rugby betwixt the Buggerers from Fort Worthlessness and the Knights from McAlien.

And the Buggerers sent out mighty warriors in the likes of Dan the Dangerous, Shep the fister, Spence of the long straight boot, Jacobi the swift of foot, Buddy love the Halfling scrumhalf with a dwarf’s beard, the brothers Kevin and Brian of the house of the Purple Frog, and Kevin the confused who wears pads like a woman and struts like a peacock! And they were mentored and assisted by the powerful wizards from the past, Theo the Springbok and Dueling Dalton the stogie smoker! And they were met on the battlefield by the like of Carlos of the beach thong, Omar with the square pants, Longo the spliff-eater, Jesse the flanker with hair gel, and many more whom I do not know for they did not offer me a beer or share their contraband with me. But the rugby powers deserted them in their moment of need and let their balls run long out the back of the try zone verily for the whole game. And the Buggerers, buoyed by their favored status with the rugby powers did smite the knights thusly 26 glorious points to seven.

And The Playoffs were good, and Memo said "Gigidy, gigidy!! Awl right!"

Friday, April 3, 2009

The Book of Shroom

In the beginning, there was Nothing. And the Nothingness consumed Everything until Everything was getting very tired of the Nothingness consuming it. So Everything rose up against the Nothingness and waged a mighty struggle against it's oppressor, and the struggle was named "rugby".

And the rugby was good.

And Everything was delighted to wage rugby against the evil oppressor, Nothingness; and the Nothingness was equally delighted to wage rugby against the wholesomeness called Everything. And thus, Saturday was borne into existance.

And the Saturday was good.

Lo, and the Saturdays went on verily for many years, with the Nothingness and the Everything waging rugby against each other, so much so that their very existance grew weary of the knocks and lumps acquired during rugby and sent out minions to do their bidding of waging rugby against each other. And the minions were many and varied. Verily the minions came in many shapes and sizes, and they waged rugby against each other in many forms. Many minions, not being the Nothingness or the Everything, perished gloriously in the rugby and were lamented and heralded as martyrs of the rugby and their memories were celebrated on the Saturdays after the waging of rugby. Lo, all the minions would come together after a full Saturday of waging rugby and they would festive themselves together in the spirit of the past minions so that the memories would live on despite the Nothingness and the Everything.

And the festivities were good.

Of the minions, many and varied, verily there were clans of minions who stood out amongst all the minions who waged rugby against each other. And these clans were known throughout the lands as the Crusaders of Yokelhoma, as the Buggerers of Fort Worthlessness, as the Defenders of the Alahomo City, as the Knights of McAlien, as the Knights of DORC, as the Mavericks of JerryJonestown, as the Tomcats of St. Thumbass, and as the Moroons of Dentonsilyogurt. And lo there were other clans, but they huddled in the outsideness and ineptitude of the hallowed grounds known as The Playoffs.

And The Playoffs were good.

And these lessor clans felt much shame, and they walked the sidelines of The Playoffs in their ashes and their rags and with their beers, and they taunted and and cheered the other clans as the waged their rugby against one another. And these lessor clans were known as the Reds of Dallasses, as the Dog-assed Huns, as the Ugly Orangeness of UT, as the Mad Dogs of Mudville, as the Griffins of the Metrosex, as the Diablos of Dalasses, as the Gunners of Fort Syphilis, as the Crabs of CorporateChristi, as the Cougars of Hotown, and as the Heathens of Galvestonsilyogurt. And there were many more clans, but they were known to wage rugby in a different division and therefore do not matter unto the Nothingness and the Everything.

And the different clans were good.