Friday, April 3, 2009

The Book of Shroom

In the beginning, there was Nothing. And the Nothingness consumed Everything until Everything was getting very tired of the Nothingness consuming it. So Everything rose up against the Nothingness and waged a mighty struggle against it's oppressor, and the struggle was named "rugby".

And the rugby was good.

And Everything was delighted to wage rugby against the evil oppressor, Nothingness; and the Nothingness was equally delighted to wage rugby against the wholesomeness called Everything. And thus, Saturday was borne into existance.

And the Saturday was good.

Lo, and the Saturdays went on verily for many years, with the Nothingness and the Everything waging rugby against each other, so much so that their very existance grew weary of the knocks and lumps acquired during rugby and sent out minions to do their bidding of waging rugby against each other. And the minions were many and varied. Verily the minions came in many shapes and sizes, and they waged rugby against each other in many forms. Many minions, not being the Nothingness or the Everything, perished gloriously in the rugby and were lamented and heralded as martyrs of the rugby and their memories were celebrated on the Saturdays after the waging of rugby. Lo, all the minions would come together after a full Saturday of waging rugby and they would festive themselves together in the spirit of the past minions so that the memories would live on despite the Nothingness and the Everything.

And the festivities were good.

Of the minions, many and varied, verily there were clans of minions who stood out amongst all the minions who waged rugby against each other. And these clans were known throughout the lands as the Crusaders of Yokelhoma, as the Buggerers of Fort Worthlessness, as the Defenders of the Alahomo City, as the Knights of McAlien, as the Knights of DORC, as the Mavericks of JerryJonestown, as the Tomcats of St. Thumbass, and as the Moroons of Dentonsilyogurt. And lo there were other clans, but they huddled in the outsideness and ineptitude of the hallowed grounds known as The Playoffs.

And The Playoffs were good.

And these lessor clans felt much shame, and they walked the sidelines of The Playoffs in their ashes and their rags and with their beers, and they taunted and and cheered the other clans as the waged their rugby against one another. And these lessor clans were known as the Reds of Dallasses, as the Dog-assed Huns, as the Ugly Orangeness of UT, as the Mad Dogs of Mudville, as the Griffins of the Metrosex, as the Diablos of Dalasses, as the Gunners of Fort Syphilis, as the Crabs of CorporateChristi, as the Cougars of Hotown, and as the Heathens of Galvestonsilyogurt. And there were many more clans, but they were known to wage rugby in a different division and therefore do not matter unto the Nothingness and the Everything.

And the different clans were good.


No comments:

Post a Comment